So as some of you may know, I have moved to Cape Town. On the surface it may seem awesome, and it is. It’s been a dream of mine to live here for a long time. But, getting me here took some detours that I would never have imagined. Earlier this year, I lost my job. I took it in my stride and thought “no problem, I will just find another job” and that would be that. But the days turned into weeks and the weeks into months and I had not found anything. My biggest concern was how was I going to look after my children. How am I going to feed them, clothe them, get them to school. I did not want them in a situation where we all had to live in a bachelors pad somewhere worrying how I am going to feed them and which bills not to pay. So I put my pride in my pocket and made the hardest decision I have ever had to make in my entire life. I went to speak to their father, and together we decided that the kids are to go and live with them.
The emotional repercussions of this decision haunt me daily. I feel like a terrible mother, I feel like I abandoned them. Even though logic dictates otherwise. As their mother, I want them with me, but as the person who is responsible for their welfare, I had to make sure that they are taken care of well. And that is what I did. I am making sure they are taken care of. That they don’t have to worry with me about money and grown up stuff. Some has judged me as a horrible human being for doing this. People in glass houses you know. But most people understood and was supportive. I have to work really hard to keep my head in a space where I don’t cry all day long and feel like a shit human being.
In making this decision, I am now able to focus on getting a career on track, study, and work hard and make sure that I can put myself in a position where I can lay down a solid foundation for my future as well as theirs. Moving to Cape Town is part of that vision. I had a long debate with myself about putting this out there. I wanted to protect myself from further judgement and emotional strain. Because to some people it seems crazy that I would do such a thing as “leave” my children. To some people that automatically makes me a bad mother/person. And that’s fine, people are going to think what they are going to think. There are those who care to listen and not jump to conclusions and are able to look beyond their perfect little worlds and imagine what it is that I went through. It is by no means easy. I miss them every day. The great thing about my kids though is that there is no doubt in their minds as to how much I love them, that I am there for them. Their father, their stepmom and I are working together really well to make this easier for them and for me. And they are coping really well.
So, that’s my story. Y’all can go ahead and judge now, or not.