Who am I?

Who am I?

This human is currently under construction.  Check back soon for details.  You may read below to see previous versions if you wish.

As we all know – people change and in my opinion it would indeed be a sad state of affairs if I am the same person today than I was a year ago as that would mean I haven’t learned anything.  For me, the whole purpose of life is to learn and grow.  This is my updated “about me”:

2 July 2012:

I deliver little bits of wisdom with a sailor’s mouth.  I sometimes know what I want and other times not so much.  I am just trying to live my version of what I feel a good life is.  Doing my bit to make the world a better place, help where I can.    The life I lead is entirely up to me and I don’t want to die having lived an ordinary life.  I don’t want to die just having been an automaton getting up, go to work, go home, watch TV, eat, go to bed, rinse and repeat.  There’s more to life than that.  There is so much to see, to do, so much love to be had.  I just want to live in ecstasy.

17 October 2011:

Right so I’ve been meaning to do another update on “Who am I?” for a while now.  Because me, I’m not the same than I was on 26 April 2011 the date of my last update.  In essence yes.  But my life has taken on a completely different direction.  When I got divorced I was determined to live my life my way, the way I want to live.  Not to waste the 2nd chance I’ve been given.  Do the things that make me happy, it took me a while to break out of old habits, but every day I took (take) a step towards what I set out to do.  And I am being brave and making decisions that honor my self.  For the first time I am being true to myself.  And I can say that I face my fears, push through them and come out the other side stronger and wiser every time.  I am living my life my way, the way I want to and it’s the best feeling in the world.  Life really is a grand adventure and even the detours are packed with learning and gifts (it’s like those hidden levels in video games where you get all the cool treasure).

I believe that the world can be a better place, and I in my small way are working to make the world around me at least better for the people around me.

I have started Cello lessons.

My diet consist of mostly Raw food (well I try).

I have big plans and I’m taking big steps and jumping off proverbial cliffs to get there.  I plan to move out to a small holding where I want to go large with my permaculture setup.  I don’t want to work in a meaningless job anymore chasing paper (although I would ideally like to have a half day job for now).  I plan to be self sufficient, and open my home to people who want to experience that way of living.  I plan to take woman from the surrounding community and teach them to grow their own veggie gardens.  I plan to home school my kids.

It’s important for me to live consciously, to be mindful of my environment, and uplift those around me.

I want to live a life that through my actions and the way I live others are inspired.

There is not a moment for wasting.  Every step I take and every decision I make is steering me towards where I see myself.  Our lives has to be a series of actions.  Going with the natural flow of things though, and taking ego out of the picture.  Take the time every day to connect to that which is bigger than us and listen.

26 April 2011:
I am a Cancer. Not the disease, the Zodiac sign. Cancerian. The Mother of the Zodiac, a moonchild.  According to astrology Cancerians are highly intuitive, sensitive, emotional and moody but also caring, nurturing and very protective over the ones they love, will stick by you no matter what and is fiercely loyal.  I am also kind and caring, sometimes wise and sometimes funny.  I am also non-judgmental (most of the time).

I used to be married, my marriage was hard but Iearned a lot from it and the lessons which I see as gifts is something that I will always take with me.  I also learned that it’s not so clever to make vows like “I will never get divorced”!

My focus at the moment is to re-discover me, the things that make me me, the things I love doing and working on breaking bad habits and behaviours.  I refuse to give up on love and happy ever after.  But at the moment it’s all about me.  Going out in the world and living life, meeting new people and just having fun!!

Besides myself, my focus is also my amazing kids.  I am awed by the awesome little creatures they are, they are coping so well with everything!  It’s an ongoing process but together we are learning to navigate the road ahead, there is a few hiccups and bumps but that’s life I suppose!

I don’t dish out relationship advise anymore.  I do maintain however that if you absolutely have to get married, don’t get hung up on the party, the dress, the cake, the venue and all that crap that is only going to cost you a small fortune. Get married in court and have a big bash for all your friends, preferably a bring and braai. Focus on the marriage, not the wedding.

I have finally found a job that I really like and that I’m good at!  Yay me!  So I’m going with the flow and seeing where it will take me.  I am still committed to alternative healing and all that “weird” stuff. I believe in crystals, the power of positive thinking and energetic healing. I also believe in re-incarnation, fairies, Angels, Unicorns and chocolate. I have big dreams and I can work towards them!!  I have a day job but my job doesn’t define me.  It took me a long time to realize that if I live this lifestyle I don’t have to be some kind of zen master, yogi that exudes peace, love , fuzzy bunnies and rainbows.  I can just be human and say words like fuck and shit and get angry and NOT feel peace, love, fuzzy bunnies and rainbows sometimes.  Meditate often, it’s important, I learned this again going through the divorce.

I am careful about who I call “friend” to me if you are invited into my life I consider it at least a semi-permanent event.  I consider my friends the family I have chosen and who chose me.  I am fiercely loyal and you can always expect honesty from me.  I am the one who will always address the elephant in the room.

I am vegetarian.  People find that weird.  I think it’s weird to eat or wear a murdered animal. But if you don’t judge me, I won’t judge you.  Promise.

I am passionate about my country – I love South Africa!

I am Afrikaans.

I sing in the car, loudly, and my car looks like a pigsty.  I love music and a song I wrote and sang was played on 5FM back in the day LOL!!  My Mom always used to say that if I knew my school work as well as I did the lyrics of songs I would’ve been a straight A student.  I don’t know what it is, I just remember the words of songs, even ones I don’t like.

I don’t like Cinnamon. I love chocolate.

I read, a lot. I could read before I went to school, books were my escape from reality. I was banned from the school library.

I can’t remember my childhood from about age 5 to age 16/17. The times that I can’t remember from age 15 and up could be because of the copious amounts of alcohol and recreational drugs (kids don’t do drugs!!!) I consumed or just a defence mechanism. Either way, I was a bit of a wild child.

I love tattoos and I plan to get lots more.

I recently discovered that I love pink. My least favourite colour is blue, which is ironic since blue is related to the throat chakra which is all about communication.

I love getting flowers.

I am an undercover and hopeless romantic ♥

I love being out in nature and I love exercise, although I haven’t been to gym in a while because of circumstances beyond my control.  I miss pilates!!  Hope to get back soon.

I pole dance – not the sleezy Teazers kind (although I certainly can do that kind too LOL) – I really love pole dance, you need a lot of strength for it, it tones and it can be very very sexy!  It makes me feel all goddess’ey!  Strong, powerful, woman.

I have a thing for Ravens and Crows, I have some tattoo’d on my back.  Where ever I am you will always see a Crow in the vicinity.

Ok I need to get up and do some laundry, I may or may not update more about me

20 June 2010:
I am a Cancer. Not the disease, the Zodiac sign. Cancerian. The Mother of the Zodiac, a moonchild. I am over-sensitive, highly emotional, insecure and am hurt easily. When I’m upset I retreat for days/weeks/months into my shell and I only emerge when I feel better. I am a creature of extremes and I can easily be euphoric and deeply depressed in the space of 24 hours. It’s exhausting, sometimes I annoy myself. I also have constant inner conflict, I blame my parents, they are total opposites those opposite genes manifested within me.  I am also kind and caring, sometimes wise and sometimes funny.  I am also non-judgmental (most of the time).

I am married. I find marriage hard, unnatural a bit of a warzone. We fight A LOT but we also laugh A LOT. Our relationship is complex and difficult to explain.  We love each other and we hate each other, although my husband insists that he only ever loves me.  He says I’m gorgeous and amazing, I think I have too many wobbly bits and a bit crazy and that he is blind.  In hindsight I’m probably one of those people that never should’ve gotten married, I thought I did but maybe it wasn’t wise to contain my free spirit in the union of marriage. I have vowed to never get divorced.

My marriage advice would be not to get married at all, stay single and get a FB (fuckbuddy). Long term relationships that end up in co-habitation are also like marriage and if you ever break up it’s like a divorce, so stay single. But if you absolutely have to get married, don’t get hung up on the party, the dress, the cake, the venue and all that crap that is only going to cost you a small fortune. Get married in court and have a big bash for all your friends, preferaly a bring and braai. Focus on the marriage, not the wedding.

I have 2 spawn. Whom I birthed at home, in a tub of water with no drugs. I am very proud of that. It was awesome. I feel very passionate about the topic of birthing, I won’t get into it here. My kids are amazing little creatures, Lila the eldest is a sensitive, imaginative, highly intuitive child she is adorable and cries A LOT. Christian my baby although he insists that he is a boy, not a baby, is a cuddly, lovable, very cute child and EXTREMELY challenging, he screams, A LOT. I love them both more than I love myself. I love being a Mom.

I am committed to alternative healing and all that “weird” stuff. I believe in crystals, the power of positive thinking and energetic healing. I also believe in re-incarnation, fairies, Angels, Unicorns and chocolate. I have had this vision since PM (pre-marriage) of this place I want to open, but my husband won’t allow me toisn’t the risk taking type so I don’t know if that will happen in this life time. I have a day job but my job doesn’t define me.  It took me a long time to realize that if I live this lifestyle I don’t have to be some kind of zen master, yogi that exudes peace, love , fuzzy bunnies and rainbows.  I can just be human and say words like fuck and shit and get angry and NOT feel peace, love,fuzzy bunnies and rainbows sometimes.

I don’t think I’m a very good friend, I’m not the kind of friend I was PM. I have friends whom I love dearly and would do almost anything for. But I find it hard to make new friends. Most of the people I know I have met on the internet. I think I’m a bit scary to people who don’t know me.

I am vegetarian.  People find that weird.  I think it’s weird to eat a murdered animal. But if you don’t judge me, I won’t judge you.  Promise.

I am passionate about my country – I love South Africa!

I am Afrikaans.

I sing in the car, loudly, and my car looks like a pigsty.

I don’t like Cinnamon. I love chocolate.

I read, a lot. I could read before I went to school, books were my escape from reality. I was banned from the school library.

I can’t remember my childhood from about age 5 to age 16/17. The times that I can’t remember from age 15 and up could be because of the copious amounts of alcohol and recreational drugs (kids don’t do drugs!!!) I consumed. I was a bit of a wild child.

I love tattoos and I plan to get lots more.

I recently discovered that I love pink. My least favourite colour is blue, which is ironic since blue is related to the throat chakra which is all about communication.

I love getting flowers.

So now you know a little bit about me. But watch this space it’s not all