Today was a great day. I was being awesome. You know, like only I can be. Shiny and all that. Christian had his school concert this morning and it was too cute *proud Mom moment* he was a little star. The kids are with their father this weekend and I spent a lot of time with friends yesterday. Today after the concert I went to visit friends in Harties. I took a leisurely drive down, daydreaming of one day…All was peachy in Nicci’s world.
Then out of the blue, I saw something. Something that I miss sharing and doing that I can no longer be a part of. And it kinda caught me off guard and that’s where things went pear shaped. Bleh. So now I’m sommer miff. Such is life I guess, sometimes you get to be the kid in the candy store and sometimes you get to be the kid on the outside looking in. But not to fear. I will be all sparkly and stuff quick stix.
You know. I don’t mind being single. Really. I like my own company and being on one’s own is total freedom. I can do whatever I want, whenever I want and I can change my mind as many times as I want. But…..yes there is always a but isn’t there. As much as I like being single. I also like being with someone. I like having a person. I’ve said before that I am a very tactile kind of a person, not that I only want someone around to be able to touch and hug and kiss, but I like that kind of closeness. And lets be honest, for some things you kinda need 2 people (lets just leave it at that). But I also miss being able to share hopes and dreams, I like having someone to share ideas with and plan and do things with and just that emotional support. Know what I mean? I can certainly live without it, it’s not like I’m out there with a blinking sign saying “I want a boyfriend” (I’m not desperate) because I’m sure the right person will arrive at the right time. But it’s not really ideal….for me. But anyhoo we do what we must. We adapt and adjust and soldier on. Everything I do, I do 100%, otherwise what’s the point? Live fully, with an open heart.
One thing I learned from those little kids in that concert today watching them. They aren’t scared, they don’t care that they might look silly. They sang those songs and did their little moves with gusto. They gave it their all. And they shook their booties and they did silly things. There was no fear, no holding back. From the heart, with everything they had. That is how I aim to live. With no fear, no holding back, from the heart.
The Universe always brings me the right people/tools/places at the right time. I have faith in that. In the meantime I will do the being on my own thing with everything I have too!
PS: No, this post isn’t about fruit.
PPS: I’ve never edited a post this much before….!