Denial is a river in Egypt..

>Look I know I said I would make more of an effort to put in some blogging time.  But I’m in my shell at the moment, it’s safe and comfortable there.  I have so many things I want to say, but, I just don’t want to.  I like to sometimes keep my things to myself and just stew and mull over them and sort them out in my head.

I feel in a really good space though, I’m coping and I’m not a sobbing teary mess.  Last night I went to therapy, it helps right.  The therapist thinks I’m in denial.  I brought it up though so I started it.  I’m slightly disappointed in this as I like to think that I don’t run away from issues and that I am brave enough to confront head on and sort it out.  I’m over “bury the pain and deal with it later” maybe not…any-the-hoo

Me and Denial will just sit quietly here in my corner where we can keep an eye on each other and everything and everyone and will be in discussions in how we will go about feeling fine without needing him (I feel that Denial is a him – how else?).

My therapist is lovely though and we are on the same wavelength so I am sure we will sort something out.  The road to healing and acceptance is sometimes a rocky road but boy do you come out fit and ready to face anything on the other side!

Leap!

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When you have come to the edge of all the light you know and are about to step off into the darkness of the unknown, Faith is knowing that one of two things will happen:  There will be something solid to stand on or you will be taught how to fly.~ Patrick Overte

That is where I am standing right now, on the edge of the precipice, ready to take a blind leap of faith, but deep within me I know that I will learn to fly.  I will be ok and there is a bright sunny future ahead. I am not ready to openly blog about what is happening yet, but I am keeping a journal and I might write about it at a later stage when the dust have settled.  

It’s a time of intense growing, learning and change.  But it’s hard even though I am in a good space at the moment.  But I have so many amazing people supporting me, it’s just awesome!

At my new job things are going really well.  The people I work with is great!  I love my new job and it’s good to be in a space where my ideas are being used and my input is valued.  I actually enjoy coming to work now LOL!  

So there, a small update, I haven’t blogged in a loooong time and I will really make more of an effort to, I actually do miss it.  At least I journal but I miss updating my blog and connecting with the world out there.  

What defines you.

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Recently I have gone through some work issues.  To be honest I have never really been happy in my job, in the past I have used excuses like “it’s the company” or “i am bored” or “it’s time to move on” but the truth is that I am unhappy in my job because it’s not something that I am passionate about.

Have you ever noticed that when you meet someone one of the first questions they ask of you is “What do you do?”  As a society we have come to use someone’s job title as part of forming an opinion of that person.  For someone like me that isn’t attached to my job title and put absolutely no value to it whatsoever it kinda sucks.  Picture this scenario – fancy cocktail party, are introduced to some affluent people, you are fitting in nicely and chatting away, the inevitable “what do you do” comes up, me “I’m in admin – yes I do admin”, affluent person trying to be polite “oh what company do you work for” explain, “oh that’s …. lovely” looks uncomfortable and suddenly has a craving for those caviar hors‘ d oeuvres.

*I* don’t define myself by the work I do and I suppose for me because I put no value on it I find it hard to understand why other people do.  But I suppose in a way job titles make us fit into a nice little box and give people clear guidelines about what kind of person you possibly could be and if they would like to be associated with you.  It’s sad in a way because I’m sure people miss out on getting to know great people by boxing and labeling like that.

Maybe my thoughts on this will change if I ever get to do something I am passionate about but for now, yes I have a job and no my job does not define me.