Drifting
>And I don’t mean drifting like in those guys with their fast cars around corners.
I am in earnest looking for other employment this year and as much as I want to leave and feel utterly un-enthusiastic about my current work situation. I feel the same when I browse through the loads of jobs on job sites. I am really struggling to get excited and motivated about doing the same thing at another company. I am just a little bit resentful that I can’t also do something that I love.
It would be easy if I actually could find a compromise and find something that I love doing that isn’t exactly what I want to be doing. What I really want to do is not possible (don’t have the capital), the other thing I want to do I need a Masters degree and study for 7 years so that is also not going to happen. And the other other thing I want to do I also need to study for about 2 years which is also not going to happen, so I have to be happy (as always) with 2nd best and be stuck with doing meaningless admin jobs the same thing day in and day out yay for me.
I really feel like I’m just drifting around, like there is no meaning to what I do, every day is the same, treading water and never getting anywhere. And apparently I’m not as nice as I thought I was I apparently project a little bit of a not nice attitude – who knew! I’m feeling a bit sad about this today I will just have to accept that this is it, and be happy with never quite getting what I want and being happy with below average.
Soldier on!
>I really do feel for you and understand the concept of feeling like you're continuously hitting your head against a brick wall wrt purposefully spending your time living to work, instead of working to live.But at the same time I want to smack you upside the head for limiting yourself – for using words like "not possible" and for writing off any potential for your own (work) happiness. I am fully aware that what I say is MUCH easier said than done, but you know I speak the truth, despite balancing precariously on the median between idealism and realism.I love you and you ARE nice (f*ck the projections – it's other people's issues), but you are beating the universe off with a big stick and you are the one who is suffering the most.I will see you tomorrow for The Serious Conversation … and for doing something that you DO love.Chin up xx
>You make perfect sense to me
>I am so feeling what you wrote here. For the moment I am trying not to be anxious about it. I am focusing on being still. The answers will come.I know it sounds a bit naff but this is the only thing that is helping me to not lose it at this moment.And btw I think that we are all bitches. Some are just more open about it than others.